The Boss Track Attack is a program designed to give owners of the new Boss 302 a comprehensive and hands-on track experience that demonstrates the full performance abilities of their car. The one-day program is sponsored by Ford’s Team Mustang and Ford Racing, and it is completely free. All the new Boss owner has to do is make his way to Miller Motorsports Park in Tooele, Utah (just outside of Salt Lake City). For me, that’s about 1300 miles away from where I live.

At current gas prices and with the Boss unable to get anywhere near the EPA’s crack-smoking 26 MPG highway rating, some back-of-the-napkin calculations indicated that driving would be far more expensive than flying. And even at superheroic speeds, it would still take about 24 hours of driving each way. I wouldn’t have any backup or relief and…well, I’m not a kid anymore. In the end, I really had no choice. I had to drive. The Boss and I had to make our pilgrimage. It was the right thing to do. I began making plans.

I called the track and registered for the event. They came back to me with a date of April 24. I was set. A few weeks later, I was looking at the World Challenge site and I happened to notice the Grand Prix of Utah was to be held on April 27-29. I blinked in disbelief. I had been serendipitously scheduled to attend the Boss Track Attack the very same week that the Boss race cars would be in town! I made plans to extend my stay through the weekend. My excitement was palpable. The next few weeks did not pass quickly.

Sunday: Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, and Route 66

On the week of the event, I woke-up at 4am on Sunday morning, finished packing the car, and was on the road by 5am. The excitement of the trip had kept me from sleeping very well, but I felt wide awake. Just in case, I had a large coffee to-go and played deadmau5 at excessive volume. That definitely did the trick. I was alert and quick. I settled into Daft Punk’s soundtrack for Tron: Legacy and wound through the Texas Hill Country on US-290, making great time. Only 1250 miles to go!

Still early in the morning, but almost out of Texas already.

By noon, I was in New Mexico. By 12:15pm, I was tired of New Mexico. No wonder they used to explode atomic bombs willy-nilly out there in the 1940′s – who would care or even notice? So much of that state is just miles of flat, empty desert. The desert can be beautiful, but generally not in the middle of the day. Roswell offered some visual relief, but I had no time to tarry and I was soon back on the road. I took US-285 out of Roswell with a little over half a tank of gas, thinking I would just refuel in the next town. After an hour of driving without seeing any civilization whatsoever, much less a filling station, I began to feel the first signs of range anxiety. My range was less than 100 miles and there was no sign of a town big enough to support a filling station. I would see signs for tiny little ghost towns, but the signs also indicated that there were “No Services.” I saw a sign for Albuquerque, but I knew I couldn’t make it. Was there anything out here? I was driving 20 mph under the speed limit with the windows rolled-up and the A/C off. Finally, I saw a sign for Vaughn and it looked like it was barely within range. Vaughn did have a filling station and I never felt so good about paying too much for gasoline. It occurred to me that the Boss might not be the best vehicle for a long-haul road trip off the interstate highway system.

I got back on US-285 and soon ran into I-40 heading west into Albuquerque. I was delighted to discover that for some distance, I-40 is the old Route 66! Well, it’s not the same asphalt, but at least it follows the same path.

Historic Route 66 sign in Albuquerque.

Once I got outside of Albuquerque, I began to see hills, mesas, and mountains. The light was falling and the landscape was starting to look downright pretty. I’m sorry about what I said about you before, New Mexico.

Somewhere in New Mexico.

I finally crossed into Colorado late in the evening and on a winding little two-lane back road. Night was falling and I was trying to get to Durango, where I planned to stop for the night. It was a good road and I was hustling to make good time, but this scene stopped me.

Two planets line-up over a lonely farmhouse, while the falling sunlight creates flame-like streaks in the sky. This was only the third time I had ever seen that phenomena. I enjoyed the reverie at the end of such a long day.

I finally stopped in Durango. It had been a tiring day, but I had made good time and I was on schedule to arrive in Salt Lake City, with plenty of time to spare before the reception dinner.

Monday: Utah and Track Attack Reception Dinner at Miller Motorsports Park

I started early the next morning and finally got to see Colorado in the daylight. Oh, so this is what all the fuss is about.

It was a lovely view, but I was only clipping the corner of Colorado and I wouldn’t be there for long. I stopped for a snap or two, but I was soon driving headlong into Utah. I had never been to Utah and…well, I hear a lot of strange things about that state. But whatever else it is, it is a beautiful place.

Somewhere in Utah.

This is Wilson Arch. I still had a full day of driving ahead and I hadn’t planned to stop and do any kind of sightseeing, but this was right on the side of the road, so I stopped and ran to the top. It felt good to stretch my legs a bit and get my heart rate up, but I failed to accommodate the fact that I was out-of-shape and now at 7000 ft. above sea level. I live somewhere around 600 ft. above sea level, so that’s a problem. When I got back down to my car, I was out of breath and coughing like a madman. Then I started wheezing and realized that I hadn’t brought my Albuterol inhaler. Now I have done it, I thought. I’m going to die out here in the high desert. Who does that anymore? What is this – the 1840′s? What an idiot. It took a full half hour for my body to calm down. Top Tip: Be sure to stop and enjoy our national treasures, but don’t do stupid stuff.

The rest of the drive to Salt Lake City was a pleasure. Utah is a beautiful state and the excellent roads that wound through the countryside were a delight. I got to Salt Lake City in the afternoon and found my hotel. I unpacked, cleaned-up, and had a little rest before dinner.

I arrived at Miller Motorsports Park just before 6pm for the reception dinner. The dinner was held in the museum, amidst millions of dollars worth of Mustangs, Cobras, and other beautiful machines from the late Larry Miller’s collection. I walked around and met some of the other guests. We were given plenty of time to look at the cars and memorabilia before dinner. After awhile, we were given a formal guided tour, which revealed interesting information about the cars in the collection.

In 1964, this car was used on the cover of The Rip Chords’ album Hey Little Cobra. When Larry Miller tried to buy the car at auction, he expected to pay only around $200,000. However, the bidding was driven up by an unknown absentee telephone bidder. The price went to over two million dollars before Mr. Miller finally secured the car. The mysterious bidder on the other end of the telephone? George Lucas. Before he began making movies, Lucas had been a car enthusiast. Lucas designed the paint scheme of the car for his friend, racer Allen Grant, and for a time, served as the crew chief for Grant during his early racing career.

This 1970 Boss 302 racer is actually the only car in the museum that is on loan. Presumably, this was done for the benefit of the Boss Track Attack guests.

After the tour, we sat down with the nice dinner they provided for us. Cindi Lux, the head driving instructor, introduced herself and welcomed everyone to the Boss Track Attack. We watched a video about Track Attack and then Cindi sat down and talked about what we could expect the next day. We went around the room and introduced ourselves. I recognized a couple of folks from the Mustang forum that I now frequent. We talked about our cars and what kind of track experience we had. I was surprised how few had any previous track experience.

After dinner, I stuck my head into the classroom, which was right next to the museum entrance. Oh, yeah. You have to like a classroom with a racing car in it. I went back to the hotel and tried to sleep.

Tuesday: Boss Track Attack

I arrived bright and early Tuesday morning for the Boss Track Attack. Cindi began the first classroom session with a video of Ford executives addressing the students and explaining why Ford had decided to sponsor the Boss Track Attack. After the video, she jumped right into some basic driving concepts like understeer, oversteer, proper responses to those conditions, and the basic late-apex driving line. Then she introduced the other instructors for the day (Jon, Ronnie, Mark, and Bob). They handed out Nomex suits and helmets, and then we were off to get in the cars! The classroom is important, but I appreciated that there was never much time between track sessions.

We piled into a couple of vans and they drove us to the garage area. They told us to find our car, put our helmets on, and get strapped-in. I spotted the one and only Kona Blue Boss, but it was assigned to somebody else. I was a little disappointed, but was excited to see that at least I got a Laguna Seca (LS). I’m not sure what difference it makes, since all of Miller’s school cars are brought-up to LS specs. Each car gets the LS front splitter and rear spoiler, the LS brake cooling ducts, LS transmission cooling scoop, the 302S front grille, 302S front brakes, a bigger radiator, a roll cage, and safety harnesses. I don’t think the base cars get the LS gauges. They are nice, but I still hate the pod on the dash and I realized after the event that I never looked at them on track. Not even once.

For the first track session, we just played lead-and-follow with the instructors. They went slow and the idea was just to introduce us to the track for the first time. We would be driving the East Course for the day. As we drove around the track, I could see signs indicating the name of each corner: Fast, Faster, Gotcha, Agony, Ecstasy, Windup, Release, etc. We went around a couple of times and then went back for another classroom session.

By this time, they had split the class into smaller groups, so that they could rotate them through various exercises efficiently. It also allowed for better individual instruction. As it happened, I was in a group with only one other student.

After another classroom session tailored to the track, Instructor Bob took us back out and we walked various parts of the track. This was so that we could see subtle elevation changes and other topographical elements that aren’t necessarily apparent at speed.

Bob explains how to negotiate the set of corners known as “The Attitudes.” They form a blind corkscrew that leads onto a back straight. Very fun part of the track.

This is what we were looking at.

Driving through The Attitudes.

After the second track session, we went to the skid car exercise. The skid car is an ordinary Ford Five Hundred outfitted with a system that allows weight to be moved around the car to create low-traction in an otherwise safe environment. In other words, they can make the car feel like it is on ice when it isn’t. Even better, they can do this on the fly and can make the car understeer or oversteer. I jumped into the skid car and in less than 30 seconds, I had spun it ’round like a record, baby. After I had done this a couple of times, Instructor Robbie told me that I needed to shuffle steer. Wait, what? Since the first time I ever got on track, I had been taught to stick my hands at nine o’clock and three o’clock…and leave them there! In fact, to get caught doing otherwise on my racing team was a sure way to suffer endless humiliation and torment by the other drivers. But, while trying to control the skid car, my arms were getting crossed-up and I wasn’t turning the steering wheel fast enough.

Driving the skid car.

The skid car was easily one of the best parts of the day. It was mad fun and I learned more in that car than in any other part of the school. I could have driven that car all day long and felt like I still hadn’t mastered it. I wonder if we could make one?

After the skid car, we got back in our cars to do the heel-toe downshift exercise. Instructor Mark gave us some pointers and then set us loose on a triangle-shaped track where we got up to speed and then heel-toe downshifted from 4th to 3rd. I practice this on the street all the time, so I was practicing going from 4th to 3rd to 2nd. My technique was pretty good (though I still come off the brake just a little when going to blip the throttle), but Mark gave me some instruction about not downshifting at all until after most of the braking is done. I had been starting too early. We went round and round, stopping to get feedback from Mark each time we completed a circuit. After the heel-toe practice, Mark showed us how to use the pit speed limiter and I rumbled back to the garages at a perfect 35 mph, even though I had the accelerator pedal mashed to the floor. I’ll have to remember to activate that the next time I let a valet park my car.

We broke for lunch, which was again provided by the school. While we ate and rehydrated, Mark reviewed what we had learned that morning and prepared us for the afternoon, where we would finally see some open track time.

After lunch, we piled into a van and Mark took us around the track and reminded us about the details of the correct driving line and why we should adhere to it. A few times he took a corner in the loaded van at speed, which I think was a bit terrifying for some of the passengers. When we got back to the garage, the class split into two big groups and for the rest of the afternoon, we alternated track and classroom sessions.

Playing Lead and Follow with Chris Hackleman.

The next track session was a no-passing lead-follow with the student driving and the instructor in the passenger seat giving a check-ride. Instructor Jon rode along with me. After the first lap, he said, “Stop that.”

“What?” I asked.

“Why are you turning-in so late and getting on the gas so early?” he asked.

“I’m a quattro driver. Maybe that has something to do with it?”

He gave me some pointers and then got out of the car after two laps and said to go have fun. He said I clearly knew my way around the track. Later, in the classroom, he drew some driving lines on the whiteboard and showed me what I was doing in the corners. He said that it was very typical for drivers of “cheaty” AWD vehicles, but that a powerful RWD car needed a different driving style.

The last track session of the day was just the students (unless an individual wanted an instructor) and we could go as fast or as slow as we wanted. Passing was allowed on the front straight with a point-by from the lead car. We lined-up single file and Mark sent us out on track one at a time by showing us how to use the launch control feature. I pressed the launch control button, mashed the go pedal down, the revs locked at 3000 RPM, I came off the clutch and shot onto the track!

This would be our one free track session, so I gave it the beans. With better brakes and stickier tires than my street car, the Boss LS really came alive on the track. It was easy to drive, but I was still wary of fully committing to the throttle mid-corner. More track experience will help me with that. Still, I was reasonably quick and I was having mad fun. I got held-up by a student which allowed the Hackleman brothers, a couple of fast guys from Louisiana, to catch up to me. Chris was directly behind me in another Boss LS and Paul was behind him in a regular school Mustang. The school Mustang’s are track-prepped, but down a whopping 125 hp compared to the Boss, so Paul was doing all he could to stay in the game. Once we got around the slow student, I played fox to Chris’ hound and we were off and running. I overdrove the car a couple of times and found myself with four wheels on the red and white gator-strips that line the corners. But the Boss just absorbed the bumps and I pressed-on. After a couple of laps, I thought I would give Chris an open track to see if he could get away from me. I signaled for him to pass on the front straight, but they threw the checkered flag and the session was over.

As a treat (or “payback”, depending on whom you asked), the students were given a couple of laps around the track with an instructor driving. I sat in the passenger seat of my car and a skinny kid named Michael introduced himself and slipped behind the wheel. He couldn’t have been more than 19 years old. He was very friendly and we lined-up to get on track. Once he saw the track was clear, he punched it. We started with the corner combination Fast, Faster, and Gotcha. Michael, who clearly drives on some other plane as myself, took the corners by going faster, fasterer, and still fastererer. He didn’t scare me, he just left me not understanding how he was getting the car to do what it was doing. I hadn’t felt that way since the first time I went to the track and my instructor, Don Istook, took me for some fast laps in my car. Coming out of The Attitudes, Michael got the car bent out of shape while we were going flat-out onto the back straight. We got into a violent tank-slapper and I just knew we were off. Here we go, both feet in. But somehow, he saved it. Again, I couldn’t figure-out how he did it. I saw him move the wheel back-and-forth and jab the throttle a couple of times, but I just couldn’t keep up with what he was doing. We took a couple of laps and pulled-in. I was buzzing.

The Boss Track Attack graduation ceremony.

We went back to the main school building and were presented with our trophies, which are made from Boss pistons and connecting rods. So cool. We also got a Boss Track Attack t-shirt, a pair of racing gloves, and a thumb drive with 400 photos that a professional photographer had taken during the day. I thanked all of the instructors and then told Cindi that I planned on watching the World Challenge race over the weekend. She excused herself for a moment and then came back with a free pass for me to attend the event!

That gesture from Cindi sums-up the generous attitude of everyone I met that was associated with Miller and Boss Track Attack. The program itself was beyond my expectations. It was executed with the highest level of professionalism by instructors who were always helpful and friendly. The facility and track is world class. The break-out groups were small enough to allow for a some individual instruction. They never dumbed-down the concepts, even when addressing novices. This made the lessons palatable by experienced drivers, who I believe can always benefit from occasionally reviewing the fundamentals. The instructors were always encouraging and they would frequently remind us that we were there to have fun. In the end, it was the attention to detail that made it. Nothing felt thrown together. The catering was spot-on. All classroom and track materials were provided. Drinks were provided. The program kept a strict clock and there was no chance that we wouldn’t get to do something we were promised we would do. Receiving a Certificate of Completion was not unexpected, but a trophy made out of a Boss piston? Racing gloves? A thumb drive with 400 professional photos of your day? The Boss Track Attack program and the folks from Miller Motorsports Park and the Ford Racing High Performance Driving School were so good, that I don’t feel like I can adequately convey how impressed they left me. Probably best to just say – thank you.

When I have the scratch, I am determined to return to Miller and attend their four-day race licensing school.

Wednesday: Bonneville Salt Flats

On Wednesday, I drove west on I80 towards another temple of speed – the Bonneville Salt Flats. Since the 1930′s, the Salt Flats have been the home of the landspeed record, their vast, flat expanse (some 46 sq. miles) allowing even rocket cars to stretch their legs.

The Salt Flats are a barren expanse of hard packed salt crust, but surface conditions are variable and not always ideal. The salt crust is several feet thick in some area but tapers off to just a few inches thick towards the edges. Underneath the salt crust is mud. From November to May, cooler weather slows evaporation of the flooded lake bed, sometimes leaving the surface a salty slush. Don’t skip ahead, this is important information. In the 1840′s, The Donner Party suffered their tragic fate, in part, because their wagons wheels became mired in the mud found below the salt crust, which delayed their travel into the Sierra Nevada mountains until the deadly winter was already underway. Now, what is it they say about those that don’t know history are doomed to repeat it?

I arrived at the cul-de-sac at the edge of the salt flats and from the road I could see a car out on the salt. At first, I thought somebody was just doing what I was about to do. But the car wasn’t moving and even from a distance, it appeared as though the front end was sitting too low. A blown tire?

I drove out onto the salt and made my way towards the car, but as I got closer, I could see there was nobody in the car. The area seemed slushy and slick, so I turned away and drove further out onto the flats where it felt more solid. The flats are, well…flat, but they aren’t perfectly smooth. There are ruts and ridges from rainwater. I wondered how the car would handle those at speed. During sanctioned events, the course is prepared with a sled, which smoothes the driving surface.

After driving for awhile, I stopped to take some photos of the car. The salt flats afford a beautiful, surreal, and photogenic landscape. Lighting is obviously bright and uniform.

I took a towel and tried to wipe down the car of the salt that had kicked-up on the drive out. That’s when I realized how nasty this stuff was. I brushed the salt on the rocker panels and nothing happened. It was solidly encrusted on the body of the car. In fact, the whole surface of the car was covered in a thin layer of salt. I ran my hand across the body and it felt like sandpaper. After driving through the slush near the road, I couldn’t imagine what the undercarriage looked like. The salt sticks to everything like glue. Corrosive glue. Weaponized salt. I needed to get off this crap and find a car wash.

I spent about half an hour taking photos and then I packed away my gear. I drove further into the flats to accomplish my other goal – a top speed run in the Boss.

The Boss is electronically speed limited, so I already knew the answer to the perennial question “what’ll she do?” But, I wanted to see it for myself and I wanted to do it at Bonneville. It was part of the pilgrimage, it was correct, it was safe(ish), it was legal. I had already taken the Boss to 135 mph on a public road secret test track in Mexico, so I knew that it would reach terminal velocity quickly. Still, I gave myself a good long stretch of salt. After driving awhile, I started to see the flags that mark the official course. I hadn’t realized that they left them up year round.

I finally turned the car around and lined-up along the flags so that I could see them extending into the distance. I set the Solo DL to record the run and checked my camera. Even when dry, the salt crust creates traction problems, so I accelerated slowly through the first two gears, even short-shifting lazily. In third gear, I started to push on it. Then I shifted to fourth and fully committed to the throttle. It was a strange sensation. The car was making its glorious noise, long moments screaming at the top of her rev range, but outside, not much appeared to be happening. The blinding white salt lost every bit of detail, looking just like pure light and not providing any visual indication of speed. The mountains in the distance did not appear to be getting any closer. Only the occasional course flag flying by in a flash let me know that I wasn’t in some kind of simulator. The ride was rough, but not so much that I needed to back off. Hell, I was driving with one hand. I shifted into fifth. It was so loud at the end, I could barely hear the car hitting the limiter. I took a couple of photos and then the car lurched and I let off the gas.

The Solo DL indicated 156 mph. It was the fastest I had ever been in a car. I checked the data when I got home and I had gone 156.8 mph at 7493 rpm in 5th gear. I would love to see what the Boss could do without a speed limiter. She still has another gear!

When I got back to the road, I parked and watched a team unload Volvo’s Mean Green hybrid diesel truck from it’s trailer and take it onto the salt for a photo shoot. As it happens, this is the world’s fastest truck. Even though the truck holds the FIA records for the standing 500-meter, standing kilometer, and flying kilometer, it was in Utah to attempt to break its own records. The truck now boasts 2100 hp, almost 5000 torques, and improved aerodynamics. Good luck crazy Swedes.

After they finished their photo shoot, I walked out to the immobile car that I had seen out on the salt.

The tire marks told the tale. It looks like they were doing fwd donuts when they broke through the salt and into the underlying mud. The driver tried to power out, but only dug the car into the mud all the way to the body. There was evidence of a rescue attempt, but at some point they abandoned the car.

I drove back to the hotel, but not before stopping at a car wash and washing the car twice.

Thursday: Rest and a Mustang Cobra II

On Thursday, I stayed in the hotel all day and tried to get some rest. I love hotels. I find their comfort a decadent treat. Also, I don’t have a TV, so it’s always a pleasure to fire-up, in this case, a 52″ LG LCD and watch some shows.

I thought I would be a bad boy and look at the hotel’s adult channel, but all they had was Charlie’s Angels. Stupid Utah. Anyway, I watched a couple of episodes, which featured the Mustang Cobra II. Somehow, perhaps the worst Mustang in history had snuck into my awesome Mustang Week. Still, it was quite fun watching Charlie’s Angels. Of course it is a terrible show in every obvious way, but if you look carefully, there is some goodness there. The show was made in the 70′s, which means that many of the cars driving around in the background are from the 60′s. I had fun just spotting cool cars that we never see anymore. I watched one episode in which Timothy Dalton plays a roguish gentleman thief that Charlie calls “James Bondian.” A few years later, Timothy Dalton would be James Bond! Anyway, in the show, he drove a beautiful and rare Porsche Carrera 3.0.

I stayed in all day, got some rest, worked on my blog, watched about a thousand episodes of Law & Order (there is always one playing on cable somewhere), and went to bed.

Friday: World Challenge Practice and Qualifying

I arrived at the track on Friday and immediately set-out to find the Boss race cars. Luckily the three cars were right next to each other.

First up was Paul Brown’s championship-winning and current championship-leading Boss 302S clone. I walked around taking photos of everything I could inside and outside of the car. Maybe more than actually watching the race, I was here to see how they had built these cars. The crew was very nice about it. After awhile, I moved to the #26 Boss 302S of Capaldi Racing. Again, I walked around taking photos and the team was very nice about me being underfoot. Then I walked over to the Motorsport Development Group’s #16 Boss 302R. The smurf blue Boss is driven by Alec Udell, who is only 16 years old!

Matt prepares the car for practice.

For whatever reason, maybe because they were from Texas, I really took to this team. The crew, Cody and Matt, were exceptionally nice to me and let me ask them every dumb question about the car that I could think of. Bob Udell introduced himself and then walked me around and introduced me to his son Alec, Stuart Robinson of Motorsports Development Group, and Mark Wilson, the Engineering Manager of Ford Racing. These guys could not have been more friendly. So, I pretty much parked myself in their garage all day and just had fun watching the team operate. I am the captain of an amateur endurance racing team and I found it fascinating to compare and contrast the differences (and similarities!) of our two teams.

One similarity that all race teams share is having to deal with the politics of the sanctioning body. I have certainly tasted bitter lemonade. This is especially true in a series with different cars that have to be artificially adjusted in order to keep the field competitive. This is how Kias(!) can be competitive racing against Mustangs and Camaros. The Mustangs have to use an inlet restrictor to bring their power down. But at high altitudes, where the thinner air already reduces their power, the restriction is too great. This doesn’t apply to turbocharged cars, like the Kia, because they don’t suffer at high altitudes and the team felt like the Mustangs wouldn’t be able to keep up. They appealed to SCCA, but their appeal was rejected.

That was the least of their worries. By the end of practice and qualifying, the MDG 302R had lost a cylinder and the Capaldi 302S was completely down and out.

The Capaldi Racing Boss 302S comes in on flatbed. Forum guys who complain about the factory splitter being too flexible might want to take a close look at this photo. Bending is better than breaking. And yes, I watched it flex.

Mark Wilson looked under the car and said, “That’s cute.” This is what he saw. That hole isn’t supposed to be there.

In the end, the Capaldi team threw in the towel on their own car, but would help the MDG team swap-in an engine from a stock Boss 302 that had recently been delivered to Miller to become a school car. Matt asked me if I wanted to help. I told him I was all in. I went and got my work jacket from my car and we got busy.

The beautiful new donor car – MP0002.

Helping the team swap motors. Why does this seem familiar? Photo: Cody Young

Mark Wilson begins the investigation for his Morbidity and Mortality Report. He would eventually find a broken valve spring. Team 302R pulled their engine more quickly, because race car!

Finally, it’s out.

It took a couple of more hours to get the engine into the car. The race cars may use stock engines, but they use the transmissions from the GT500. So that had to be changed, too. Once we got the engine up and into the car, we called it a night. The team would finish everything else in the morning. They gave me a ride out to my car and I got back to the the hotel around 1am.

Saturday: Race Day!

I slept-in the next morning, but the real team was up early to complete the engine swap. By the time I got to the track, the job was done and everyone was enjoying breakfast.

Sandie Capaldi making omelets (to order!) for the hungry Boss teams. Later in the afternoon, she made us fresh smoothies. She’s a saint.

Race Day seemed less hectic than the day before, so I walked around the paddock and found my friend Don Istook, who was competing against the Bosses in the GTS class with his brand new Audi TT RS. Don had been my very first performance driving instructor and we had been active in the Audi community for years. He hadn’t had much time to develop the new car (he had previously campaigned a TT S), so there were some issues. Even though he had StopTechs all around, he felt like the brakes needed to be sorted a bit better. A more troubling issue was that he couldn’t turn-off the traction control, which was preventing him from powering out of corners like he needed. He was also on a fully stock suspension. It’s a neat little car and I’m looking forward to when he gets it dialed-in. I wished him good luck.

Don Istook and his Audi TT RS.

After lunch, Mark and I walked down and watched the cars stage for the race. Mark stopped and chatted with all of the Mustang and Boss drivers. While we standing there, a Cadillac CTS-V race car drove past us to stage. I apologized to Mark in advance for the heresy, but then told him that I thought the Cadillac was the best sounding race car I had ever heard. Period. I had heard the first generation race cars at Sebring, back in 2007 and they sounded the same way. They make a deep, guttural thumping that I could feel in the ground and in my chest. I don’t care which engine is in there, the Corvettes don’t make that sound, and neither do the Camaros. Mark agreed.

Finally, the cars went to grid and I staked out some turf at the end of the front straight. I couldn’t see all of the track, but Turn 1 was good to see high speeds, awesome braking power, and maybe a little action in the corner, too.

The flag dropped, the lights went out, and the race was underway! A Volvo went into the dirt to make a pass at the start, but despite the maneuvering for position, everyone made it through the first corner. The GT cars are shockingly fast and the works cars (Cadillac, Volvo) can brake very late from the high speeds of the front straight. It was a beautiful thing to watch. Still, despite the works cars and their unobtainium kit, there was an ordinary Porsche that eventually made it out front. The Cadillacs were in the hunt, but the Volvos suffered reliability issues, one of them finally having to be towed back behind the wall.

In GTS, just as the team had thought, the over-restricted Mustangs couldn’t even manage to stay in the lead pack. Still, Alec was tearing-up the track, eventually gaining twelve positions and only missing the Hard Charger award by one. Better yet, he passed championship leader, Justin Bell, and led him the entire race…with an engine from a stock Boss 302…that I helped put into the car. I couldn’t help but feel a bit proud.

Alec might have done even better, but he lost his ABS early in the race. Here he is locking a rear wheel, while trying to stay ahead of Justin.

* SPOILER * The big news of the race was the two Kias (Michael Galati, Colin Braun) leading the race in GTS. They stood to place first and second, but less than two minutes after this photo was taken, on the last corner of the last lap, they collided and took each off the podium, along with the leading Acura of Peter Cunningham! Andy Lee, sitting in fourth place with his Camaro, shot forward and took the checkered flag! Cue 007 theme.

You can watch the whole race on World Challenge TV here.

Immediately after the race, I helped get Stuart, Bob, and Alec to the airport for their flight back to Texas. I returned their rental Expedition back to the track and spent another hour or so having a beer and with Cody and Matt. I said goodbye to everyone and wished them luck at Laguna Seca. I wished I could join their traveling circus, but real life beckoned.

I got back on the road and made haste. This time, I drove through the night and only stopped for a couple of hours at a rest stop, just before sunrise and when the hallucinations were getting really bad. I took a different route back and found myself in a part of Texas that didn’t appear to be useful for anything other than slowing down travelers. But eventually, I made my way into Central Texas and the lovely roadside wildflowers in the hill country of home. In a life full of road trips and adventures, this had rated as one of the best of my life. I saw parts of America that I had never seen. I thought I would be alone, but I had made friends and had been invited into an experience that I thought I would only watch from the outside. It was beyond what I had hoped for and all because I bought a silly little car.

J I M M Y

In Memory of Carroll Shelby, who passed away on May 11, 2012, the day I first published this entry about going to a museum and seeing his legendary cars.

I immediately logged-in to my account and looked at the charge details, which looked like this:

04/08/2012 Sun EXPERIAN *CREDITR877-297-7790 CA – $21.55
Merchandise & Supplies
Internet Purchase
877-297-7790

Doing Business As: CONSUMERINFOCOM
Merchant Address: 535 ANTON BLVD #100
COSTA MESA
CA
92626
UNITED STATES

The same charges occured on the 8th of Feb, Mar, and Apr 2012.

I called Amex and disputed the charges. I had never done any business with that company, nor had I ever subscribed to services from them. The agent said that the vendor was part of their “no-signature” program and that I would have to call them directly.

I called the business number from my statement and got an auto attendant identifying the company as CreditReport.com. I was quickly routed to an agent. I explained the situation and he said he would look into it. He asked me for my name and DOB. That didn’t turn-up an account, so he asked me for my CC number. I had initiated the call and they were already charging my card anyway, so I gave it to him. Using that number he said that he found the account and that it belonged to somebody named “Yolanda.” I told him that I didn’t know anyone by that name. Without any further investigation, the agent said he would refund the charges. He also said that it was clear that the card had been compromised and that I should contact my CC company.

I called Amex again and told the agent what had happened. She cancelled my card, arranged to have a new card (new number) sent to me overnight, and then she put a temporary (five months) block on Experian. Crisis averted.

I felt lucky that even though my card number had been jacked, the only thing it had been used for was a subscription to a credit reporting service. What kind of hapless thief was this? If it wasn’t so nerve-racking, it would be comical. I tweeted The Case of the Ironic Credit Card Thief so that my friends could have a chuckle and then I went about my day.

That evening, I was having dinner with my friend Eric Fluhr and I recounted this episode to him. He asked about the name of the company in question and when I told him Experian, his face lit-up. “That happened to me and to my mother and brother, too!”

He told me his story and it was the same as mine, word-for-word. And that is when the penny dropped. All of the unanswerable questions suddenly had an answer. How could a consumer protection firm not use the most basic security measures to prevent CC fraud on their own systems? Why did an Experian agent allow me to cancel and reverse charges on a credit card which I did not prove was mine? Is there a mysterious cabal of credit card thieves who only use the stolen numbers to subscribe to a credit monitoring service? Of course not. It doesn’t make any sense. Who would stand to make any money from… oh.

Experian, through their subsidiary websites ConsumerInfo.com, CreditReport.com, FreeCreditReport.com, FreeCreditScore.com (and perhaps others) are charging consumer credit cards without authorization. It’s not even fraud, it’s just old-fashioned theft. I don’t know if they are feeding stolen credit card numbers to outside contractors who then sign-up for services, or if it is a completely automated in-house system. If the FBI can be bothered to look into it, maybe we will find out someday. Until then, I would not recommend doing business with this company in any way, shape, or form. If you ever see a charge on your credit card statement from Experian, call your credit card company immediately and block Experian charges from your card. Then call your State’s Attorney General.

If this happens to you, know that you aren’t alone. There are 468 complaints and counting on this site alone:

ConsumerAffairs.com/Experian

You can also Google the telephone number to find hundreds more.

Good luck. And remember to check your credit card statements every month!

J I M M Y

The CEL happened to coincide with a scheduled oil change, so technically, I have had no unscheduled maintenance. The dealership has charged me $192.79 for two oil changes. No kiss and no car wash. The squeaky clutch pedal and poor gas mileage are the only issues that I have to contend with on a daily basis. This is still a great car.

This next month or so will be a big one for the Boss. We will be taking a very long road trip to Miller Motorsports Park in Utah for the Boss TrackAttack. There are some substantial modifications that will be made to the car soon. And then the Boss will be celebrating her first birthday on May 31.

This is her latest portrait. We took a road trip to the Double-First Ranch in Cross Plains, Texas to see my best friend David Sylvester and his girls. As I drove through Zephyr, Texas, I stopped and took this photo. I just thought the dilapidated building made a nice backdrop for the Boss. Nobody will believe me, but it wasn’t until after I got home and looked at the photo that I saw the faded, serendipitous name on the building – FORD MOTOR CO.

J I M M Y

The show originally aired on the BBC, but is now shown on Fox. Though the program has been unnecessarily amped-up and dramatized for American pea-brain attention spans, the show still follows the same basic pattern. On day one, Chef Ramsay goes to the failing restaurant, meets the owner(s), attempts to eat lunch, and then goes back to the kitchen to give them a righteous bollocking for serving him a disgusting meal. That evening, Chef Ramsay observes dinner service and identifies the problems with the restaurant. On day two, painful changes are made with the usual resistance from owners and staff, often with wailing and gnashing of teeth. Chef Ramsay acts as a dictatorial battlefield commander, encouraging cheerleader, and sometimes even gentle counselor, depending on the situation. On day three, owners and staff arrive to a newly renovated and decorated restaurant and there is a grand re-opening, usually featuring a fresh new menu, higher standards, and renewed energy.

There is some criticism that Kitchen Nightmares is “just TV.” Perhaps. But I have seen every episode from the beginning and while I certainly understand the business of TV, production, and ratings, I honestly believe that Chef Ramsay is trying to help these people. I see it in him. I hear a lot of complaints about his language and bearing, but I like to compare him to a military drill instructor. Ramsay’s behavior is nothing compared to a DI, but there isn’t a red-faced, apoplectic DI in existence that wants anyone in his company to fail. They care. Ramsay is no different. And even as he is swearing a blue streak at a chef who has just tried to poison him with old crab meat, his tone is much different on Kitchen Nightmares, than it is on his other contest-style shows, like Hell’s Kitchen and MasterChef. He’s here to help.

I got word that Kitchen Nightmares would be shooting in Austin at a Greek restaurant named El Greco. I started checking around and finally found El Greco’s Facebook page, where there was a call for diners who wanted reservations during the shoot. I sent an email and a producer got back to me and told me I had to fill-out a survey and then wait and see if they would accept my reservation. The survey was simple. It asked if I had ever dined at El Greco. I had never even heard of El Greco, so that was easy. It asked if I knew of El Greco’s reputation (no), did I eat at other Greek restaurants around town (yes), and then it asked me to take five factors in determining where I eat (recommendation, menu, scene/vibe/atmosphere, review, and price) and put them in order of importance to me. I returned the survey and within a couple of days, my reservation was accepted!

My lunch companion, Kang Lee, looking incredibly happy that I chose him to be food poisoned with me. He had never even heard of Kitchen Nightmares! Chef Ramsay’s trailer is in the background.

On the day of filming, we arrived early with our signed release forms in hand. We checked-in, had our photos taken, and were given a couple of simple instructions such as – no cell phones or cameras allowed in the restaurant, don’t look at the camera and don’t engage Chef Ramsay, unless he speaks to you. After that we stood in line around the side of the building and a producer sent us into the restaurant, party by party, staggering us so that the restaurant wasn’t unfairly put into the weeds. After that, we were real patrons enjoying having lunch. We ordered and paid for our own meals. Nobody asked us to sit anywhere in particular and we were allowed to stay as long as we liked. As you can see from the finished episode, we stayed longer than any of the other patrons. My hope was that I would have a chance to meet Chef Ramsay, but it didn’t work out.

In fact, after the initial instructions and the fact that there were people walking around with professional video cameras, there was no indication that this wasn’t an ordinary lunch service. Well, our waiter did seem to be a little jumpy, but that was to be expected and at least he gave us helpful and friendly service.

The biggest surprise to me about the whole shoot, was how linear and uninterrupted it was. I was expecting there to be many start and stops from the director, but that was not the case at all. Except for editing to tighten everything up, Chef Ramsay’s initial visit occurred just as you see it in the episode. The only out-of-sequence editing I saw was when he was served the stuffed zucchini before the lamb shank. I noticed this, because when he is served the zucchini, Kang and I have already left. A moment later, when he is served the lamb shank, we are back and visible in the background again.

Jimmy and Kang enjoy lunch with Gordon Ramsay. Photo: FOX Broadcasting via hulu

Speaking of lamb shank, I should get on to my lunch. The El Greco lunch menu was very strange. Except for side dishes and three other items, everything on the menu was $9.99. The Greek Burger was $8.99, the Lamb Chops Plate was $10.99, and the Braised Lamb Shank was $16.99. Two of those items are with a dollar of the rest, so basically, only one item didn’t cost $10. So, a cup of soup – $9.99. A small salad – $9.99. A soup and salad – $9.99. A lamb gyro – $9.99. Wait, huh?

Here is the old menu:

El Greco Lunch Menu (old)

To me, the Lunch Lamb Chops Plate looked to be the best deal, but I was told they were out. Uh oh. I hoped Ramsay wouldn’t ask for that. “Fine,” I told the waiter, “I’ll have the Braised Lamb Shank.” The waiter told me that market prices for lamb had required them to raise the price of the lamb shank to something over $20, but he assured me that it was the finest lamb imported from New Zealand. I snickered to myself and thought – yeah, I’ll be the judge of that. I was unhappy about the price increase, but it was a special occasion, so why not? I ordered the lamb shank and a side portion of Greek salad.

El Greco's New Zealand Braised Lamb Shank Photo: FOX Broadcasting via hulu

The food was disappointing. The salad was a watery, goopy mess. The lamb shank was microwaved to within an inch of its life and covered with a tomato sauce, which normally I would have hated, but in this case was welcomed for its ability to mask the condition of the meat. Lamb shank? The pain in my stomach made it feel more like a prison shank. I was told that I got the last lamb shank, but as it happens, Chef Ramsay ordered the same thing and they managed to find another one. God knows where they found it.

"It's depressing." Photo: FOX Broadcasting via hulu

For dessert, I ordered the baklava. Traditionally, this comes as a layered pastry of phyllo, ground walnuts, butter, and honey. El Greco served their baklava rolled, so that on the plate it looked like a small, curled…cat poop. It looked disgusting. I suppose it tasted fine, but I couldn’t get over the serving presentation or temperature. I was told that baklava is traditionally served cold. That’s fine, but I can now say for certain that I do not care for cold pastries that taste as though they have just been pulled out of the refrigerator.

The lamb shank, side salad, tea, and dessert came to $28.33. That is a really expensive lunch, especially for a small Greek cafe, located near a university campus. For what was delivered – yeah, I got shanked.

The El Greco decor redesign. Photo: El Greco Facebook Page

The Kitchen Nightmares episode followed the template, with Chef Ramsay helping diffuse the staff problems, updating the decor, and improving the menu. While almost anything could be seen as an improvement to the bare, lazy decor (basically an industrial canteen with photos of Greece on the wall to add some color), the update wasn’t much better and was one of the weakest of the series. Chef Ramsay banished the microwave (in a dramatic fashion) and updated the menu here:

El Greco Revised Menu (front)

El Greco Revised Menu (back)

By the end of the episode, the owners and staff had come together to smash plates in a Greek tradition of celebration!

My intent was to revisit El Greco after Chef Ramsay made his changes, but sadly, El Greco closed before the show even aired. Based on what I saw in the episode, it was a bit of a Greek Tragedy. It appears as though most of the problems stemmed from family infighting and the resultant lack of passion for the food and for the restaurant. It seems clear to me that by the time Chef Ramsay arrived, nothing could have saved that restaurant. Though the restaurant has closed, and maybe because the restaurant has closed, I hope that the family has a chance to come together again. I wish them well.

The full El Greco episode of Kitchen Nightmares is available on hulu here:

Luckily, there are other very good Mediterranean food restaurants in Austin. I recently discovered Pars Mediterranean Supermarket and Deli, located in the strip center at Burnet and Research (next to Trudy’s). It’s a warm, unfussy Persian joint with friendly owners and simple, but delicious food at a reasonable price. On weekdays, you can tell a joke for a free side dish. Opa!

J I M M Y

The kit comes nicely packaged in a compartmented box. The kit contains:

As much as I love the DVD and book, it is the personalized touches that make this kit so special. The certificate not only notes the serial number of my Boss, which I already knew, but also the number in its particular color. For me, this is particularly interesting. I struggled to secure a Kona Blue Boss, before that color was discontinued. It will be interesting to me to find out how close my car is to the end of the run in that color.

As silly as this might be, my favorite part of the kit might be the key fob. I don’t even like key fobs! But this one is very cool. The one side looks like the unique Boss intake manifold and the other side is engraved with the serial number of my car.

Thank you and Merry Christmas Ford Racing! You have made my purchase of a Boss 302 Mustang perhaps the most satisfying and rewarding ownership experience of my life.

J I M M Y

1. Grille Mod

The original 1969 Boss Mustang deleted the front fog lights and replaced them with mesh to improve airflow to the radiator. The new Boss Mustang pays homage to this by also deleting the fog lights, but then replacing them with blanks that have been embossed with a non-functional mesh design. For a car with so much emphasis on function, this detail is out-of-step with the rest of the car. The Boss 302S and 302R race cars both replace the fog light blanks with actual mesh grilles. Furthermore, on hot days and at high revs on a race track, the Boss does have some heat management issues. So, the Boss could stand to have more air flow to the radiator. Even if that weren’t the case, I hate the fake grilles as much as I hate any other fake hood scoop, or the like. So, I drilled them out and made them functional.

Cost: Free!

2. Brake Cooling Ducts

2010-2012 MUSTANG BRAKE DUCT KIT – Ford Racing p/n: M-2004-MB

Contents of the kit.

The front bumper valence pieces were missing from the kit, so I had to call Ford Racing. I faxed my receipt and they sent the pieces out straight away.

The only difference is that the foglight blank is drilled-out.

The high-temp hose that comes with the kit does not fit around the backing plate duct. One solution is to modify the hose itself by cutting and/or removing the wire reinforcements within the hose. I wanted the hose to retain its full integrity, so I chose to cut the backing plate to allow the hose to fit. I don’t like cutting on brand new racing parts, so I had a Newcastle to take the edge off.

This is the backing plate after I modified it. Using a cut-off wheel, I made eight cuts into the duct and then bent the tabs slightly inward, which allows the hose to slide on easily. Then I painted the duct with high temp (1200 F) paint. The paint has a matte finish, so the texture should help the hose adhere to the duct.

Another thing Ford Racing didn’t get quite right were the installation instructions. First of all, the photos are so small and dark that they are almost useless. In the example I show above…I mean, I can see somebody’s meat hook, but what is it doing exactly? They don’t supply a list of tools needed, nor do they specify bolt sizes (although, they do provide torque specs which is very nice). They also recommend removing the whole lower front facia, which I think is completely unnecessary. Most importantly, the instructions are the bare minimum and do not address fitment issues which almost everyone will have, most notably, the interference of the horn assembly and the windshield washer fluid reservoir.

What follows are an alternate set of installation instructions. These instructions only apply to the Boss 302, WITHOUT the Laguna Seca splitter.

Tools:

7 mm socket
10 mm socket
12 mm socket
15 mm socket and/or wrench/ratcheting-wrench
13/16″ deep socket
Dremel Tool with cutting wheel and/or hacksaw
Small Phillips screwdriver
Small flat-head screwdriver
Paint scraper
Sandpaper
Bungee cord
Jack and jack stands (or lift)
Breaker bar
Torque wrench
Blue loctite

(See optional list below.)

Instructions for the Left (Driver) Side:

1. Jack up the car and secure with jack stands.

2. Remove the front wheel (13/16″ socket and breaker bar).

3. Remove inner fender liner. The fender liner is held on with (3) 7 mm bolts and several plastic push-style clips.

4. Relocate electrical harness. Just pull the harness holder from it’s current location and move it up to the hole indicated in the photo.

5. Relocate horns. In simple terms, this just means flipping the horn bracket 180 degrees to gain clearance for the hose. The correct way to do this for maximum clearance and to relieve stress on the electrical harness is to remove the horn assembly (one 7 mm bolt) and lay it on the undertray. Remove the (2) 8 mm nuts holding the bracket to the horns and turn the bracket 180 degrees. Then rotate the horns until the harness and connectors are in a position that will not cause interference with the hose and where there is no stress on the harness. Tighten down the (2) 8 mm nuts and then reinstall the horn assembly with the 7 mm bolt.

Remove the stock bumper valence piece, which can be done easily from the outside with a paint scraper (or similar). Insert a paint scraper behind the part of the bumper valence piece that is towards the middle of the car and use it to pry that side free. Simultaneously, pull on the inside of the foglight blank to free the other side (towards outside of car). The valance piece will pop-out easily.

Insert the hose from the front of the car and check for hose clearance. Also note in this photo that there is no reason to cut the foglight mounts. They do not in any way interfere with the hose. In fact, they fit perfectly against the hose and help secure it in place.

6. Remove brake caliper. Remove the (2) 15 mm bolts that hold the brake caliper to the brake carrier. Use a bungee cord (or similar) to support the weight of the brake caliper. I suspended the caliper from the front spring. Never allow the weight of the caliper to be supported by the brake line! This can cause a failure of the brake line, resulting in catastrophic brake failure!

7. Remove brake rotor. The rotor might have these retaining clips that keep the rotor snug against the hub when the wheel is off. I don’t know how to remove these properly, so I used a paint scraper, a flat-head screwdriver, and lots of swearing. After I worked them away from the rotor, I found I could rotate them off. I’m not a fan of unthreaded metal clips on my wheel studs, nor the risk of galling the threads while I am trying to work the clips off. If they were plastic, I would probably like them, but since they aren’t all that useful, I did not reinstall them.

8. Remove splash guard. Remove the (3) 10 mm bolts holding the splash guard to the brake carrier assembly.

9. Install the new backing plate with (3) new 12 mm bolts (included with kit) and torque to 15 ft.-lb.

10. Slide the brake cooling hose over the backing plate and secure with hose clamp (included with kit).

11. Secure hose to body with tie wrap (included in kit). Optionally, you can tie wrap the hose to the anti roll bar. Cut or grind down the plastic undertray shark fins that might cut or abrade the hose.

12. Cut excess hose length from front of car. Make sure there is enough free play in the hose to accommodate wheels turned to full lock (both directions) and the suspension at both full droop and full compression. You could skip this step until both sides are done and free play has been fully tested to your satisfaction. Install brake cooling hose to bumper valence insert and secure with hose clamp (included with kit). Push bumper valence insert firmly into place.

13. Cut inner fender liner to clear brake cooling hose. I followed a natural straight line that was in the liner, but it wasn’t quite enough and I had to make another cut to adequately clear the hose. This photo also gives a better view of my tie wrap point and how it holds the hose up off of the cut shark fin.

14. Reinstall inner fender liner.

15. Reinstall brake rotor.

16. Reinstall brake caliper. Apply blue Loctite and torque (2) 15 mm bolts to 85 ft.-lb.

17. Reinstall wheel. Torque (5) 13/16″ lug nuts to 98 ft.-lb.

18. Lower car and recheck all clearance points for interference and free-play.

Instructions for the Right (Passenger) Side:

Instructions for the left (driver) side of the car apply to the right (passenger) side of the car, except that instead of relocating the horn (Step 5), you might want to relocate the windshield washer reservoir. This requires some additional hardware (available at your favorite big box hardware store):

(2) M6-1.0 x 50 mm bolts
(3) 6 mm flat washers
(1) 6 mm lock nut
(2) 1/2 x .194 x 1″ nylon spacer (I had to drill these out a bit to fit the M6 bolts.)
Drill

I recommend completely removing the windshield washer reservoir, installing the brake cooling kit, and then reinstalling the reservoir with new 1″ spacers. The reservoir is mounted to the car with (2) 10 mm bolts and (1) 10 mm nut that is attached to a removable stud. After removing the hardware, pull the washer pump straight up and out of the reservoir and remove the reservoir.

For the left side mount, first remove the stud by sliding it to the right and then pulling it out. From the backside, thread the new long bolt through the same hole, making sure that you use a washer to keep it from pulling through. Thread the nylon spacer onto the bolt, followed by the mounting tab of the reservoir. Secure with a washer and locking nut.

For the right side, thread the new long bolt (and washer) through the front of the mounting tab, then through the nylon spacer, and then tighten into the speed-nut that is in the factory mounting location.

For the upper mount, drill the upper mounting tab and secure using the factory hardware and mounting point. Press the washer pump back into the reservoir and refill.

This the location of the filler neck after the relocation.

Moving the windshield washer reservoir just 1″ allowed enough clearance for the brake cooling hose.

Test and Verify Fitment!

After a couple of days, I checked the fitment of the kit and discovered that on the right side, the wheel had come in contact with the hose and pushed it under a part of the body that then began to saw into the hose. So, I cut the tie wrap that secured the hose to the body, but left the hose tie-wrapped to the front sway bar. This allowed the hose to sit lower and avoid contact with the body. Things move around in there and it wouldn’t take much to destroy an expensive cooling hose, so go for a test drive and then verify that there is still adequate clearance.

Cost: $215

3. Transmission Cooling Scoop

Ford Racing p/n: M-5025-MBR (yes, it’s just a baking pan that has been welded to a steel dowel).

Installation requires removing the (4) 15 mm nuts that hold the rear support brace to the subframe. Replace the rear support brace with the cooling scoop. Install the (4) nuts and torque to 46 ft.-lb.

Cost: $95

4. Rear Splash Guard Delete

Ford Racing recommends removing the rear splash guards for better cooling of the rear brakes. Like the fronts, the rear splash guards are secured with (3) 10 mm bolts. Unlike the fronts, there is enough room between the rotor and the splash guard to fit a 10 mm wrench in-between to remove the bolts, so no need to remove the rear caliper. Remove the bolts, remove the splash guard, reinstall the wheel. Torque (5) 13/16″ lug nuts to 98 ft.-lb.

Cost: Free!

In an upcoming chapter, I will have a Boss 302R wing installed and painted.

J I M M Y

1. Airbag Sticker Delete

The first mod to any car that I own is the removal of the obnoxious airbag warning stickers from the sun visors (always present on the driver’s side, too, just in case you are strapping your baby in to drive and you look up to see that your baby should never ever drive an airbag-equipped car).

Cost: Free!

2. LED Lights

I replaced the map lights, trunk light, and license plate lights with LEDs from HIDguy.com. This made a huge improvement all around, especially with the interior lights. The first time I opened the door at night with the new lights, I thought I was being abducted by aliens. The intense white light looks modern and more appropriate for a brand new car, especially one which already has such nice instrument panel lighting. This mod is a must.

Cost: $43.

3. Alcantara* Shift Boot

In every other sports car that has ever been equipped with an Alcantara-covered steering wheel, at a minimum, the shift boot has also been Alcantara. For the Boss, Ford has the steering wheel covered in fake suede, the shift boot made out of fake leather, and the parking brake boot made out of some other kind of fake leather. Look, the collar should match the cuffs. It’s as simple as that. It isn’t as if any of this were actual leather, it is just three different kinds of fake leather. Why couldn’t they be the same? Was there a cost savings somewhere? Are there really grades of polyvinyl chloride fake leather?

Anyway, this bugged me, so I ordered a new shift boot and parking brake boot from www.redlinegoods.com, a Polish company. That’s right, to get a proper shift boot for my American car, I had to have one shipped from Poland. Well, good on them, because I am very pleased with their service and with the quality of their work. Instructions for installation are here, but I have added larger photos and a few extra comments here.

1. Remove the shift knob by rotating it counter clockwise. That’s all that Redline tells you, but you need to know something about that shift knob, or you are likely to get a hernia. It’s held on with blue Loctite. That’s right, Ford fitted this car with a Chinese transmission made from the melted-down pots and pans of dead dissidents and it’s almost certainly destined to fall apart faster than a student protest. But by God they don’t want that shift knob falling off. No sir.

Check the forums for ideas on how to remove the shift knob. You might get a musclehead friend or somebody on PCP who doesn’t feel pain. You also might try applying heat to break the Loctite bond. A rubber-strap oil filter wrench might work, too. I’m not going to tell you what I did, but let’s just say that now I have to order a new shift knob.

2. Open the storage compartment and then pull the center console trim piece by pulling up here. It will unclip easily. Unplug the traction control/hazard/trunk release connector and remove the trim piece, sliding the boot over the gear change lever.

3. Remove the shift boot by unclipping the plastic mounting ring from the indicated clips.

4. Once the shift boot has been removed from the center console trim, use a putty knife, gasket scraper, or flathead screwdriver to remove to separate the shift boot from the plastic mounting ring.

5. I used a hot glue gun to glue the new boots to the plastic mounting rings. Because hot glue guns are dangerous, I had a safety officer present.

6. Detail. This is from the parking brake boot. In this area, the fitment can be very tight. In my case, the fabric was pulled so tightly at the bottom that it began to curl and it would not adhere. So, I made a 2-3mm cut in the fabric at the bottom, which was just enough to alleviate the tension and allow the fabric to lay flat and adhere to the plastic ring.

7. I used binder clips to clamp the boot to the plastic ring after I had applied the hot glue. They worked perfectly.

8. The finished boots!

I am very pleased with the quality of these pieces, but I have to say that the change is so subtle, that most will find this mod not worth the trouble. Also, the boots do not exactly match the color of the steering wheel. The boots are closer to black, while the steering wheel is a charcoal grey. In fact, to my eye, there is even a little bit of almost purple tint to the steering wheel cover. Anal retentive detail oriented people might try to wash or fade the material to get a closer match and folks with serious issues could just send the company a spare steering wheel and have them find the dye lot with the closest match. The original pieces didn’t match in color either, so I’m just happy that the material looks the same. The difference is subtle, but pleasing to me.

* I am using Alcantara generically, because it is easier than saying faux suede. Alcantara is a brand name and only the faux suede on the Recaro seats is actually Alcantara. Neither the steering wheel cover nor the boots provided by Redline Automotive Accessories Corp. are made from Alcantara.

Cost: $78

4. Window Tint

My car sits outside during the day, while I am at work and I live in Texas. That means window tint is mandatory. I took my car to Dave Angenend at Sideways Auto Salon and he tinted my windows with 30% Wincos film, a new Japanese product that features very high heat rejection, no RF interference, and a lifetime warranty.

Wincos-30:

Visible Light Transmitted 34%
Visible Light Reflected 5%
Solar Energy Transmitted 22%
Solar Energy Reflected 5%
Solar Energy Absorption 73%
IR Rejection 92%
UV Ray Rejection 99%+
Total Solar Energy Rejected 53%

Dave managed the up-sell, because he happened to catch me during the hottest Summer in Texas history. Worth every penny. The film works as advertised, is the perfect tint level for me, and looks beautiful on the car.

Cost: $375

5. License Plate

The standard Texas license plate is an atrocity. It looks like a 3rd-grader’s art project (don’t bother with the emails, 3rd-graders). Luckily, there are lots of options available for a modest fee. I selected this popular design, which fits nicely with the Boss livery.

Cost: $55

6. Stereo

The Boss comes with the base stereo and no option to upgrade from the factory. There is a head unit, AM/FM, CD, aux input and four 6×8 speakers. The bass is muddy and the sound is terrible. I took my car back to Dave Angenend at Sideways Auto Salon and he hooked me up with a nice mid-range upgrade. Dave said there was no reason to replace the head unit for sound quality reasons, until I moved even further towards high-end speakers (or if I wanted more functions and features). I like this, because the car retains a completely stock appearance, until you look in the trunk (more on that in a moment).

Easily, the most important upgrade was to replace the front speakers with Hybrid Audio Technology 6.5″ Imagine Series speakers. The front sound stage is now clean and crystal clear. Just like tires are ultimately the most important performance components of a car, the front speakers are the most important performance components of a car audio system. If you have a limited budget, put all of your money there.

The stock 6x8 door speaker. Photo: Sideways Auto Salon

Constructing a frame to fit a round peg into a square(ish) hole. Photo: Sideways Auto Salon

The Hybrid Imagine. Photo: Sideways Auto Salon

A Diamond Audio 10″ subwoofer, and a Diamond Audio D300.4 (50 x 4 watt) amplifier round-out the modifications. The stock rear speakers are still driven by the head unit and are retained to provide fill, if so desired.

The amplifier is mounted on the back of the fold-down back seat. I admit that I didn’t specify where I wanted the amp and I don’t like it here. It’s fine for now, but I will most likely move it later.

The seat has to be folded down in order to access the amplifier controls.

A subwoofer enclosure could have been built into the car, which would have looked better and taken less trunk space, but I specified an enclosure that could be easily removed for track days. To keep the enclosure from moving around the trunk, I made a couple of tethers that snap to the underside of the package shelf and then to the front of the sub box.

This system can be reproduced with more reasonably-priced components for just a few hundred dollars and it will still be a vast improvement over stock. I invested in higher-priced components and am very happy. The front speakers are especially pleasing to me. Clear, transparent, and they never seem to be straining at any frequency or volume level. Sometimes I catch myself grinning, not because of the music itself, but rather because of how well the speakers are handling the music. The sub is nice for really deep tones, but the stock rears can’t keep-up with the mid-bass. So, I will probably swap those at some point, put them on the current amp with the fronts and then give the sub its own amplifier. For now, this was far-and-away the most expensive mod, but for something I use every day, it was well worth it.

Cost: $1100

In the next chapter, I will install a few performance-oriented modifications.

J I M M Y

Self-portrait. Auckland, New Zealand, December 2010

Leading Theory

I found the answer with the help of Harry’s GPS Lap Timer, which is an inexpensive, but very nice little data acquisition system that Andrew Bianchi bought and which we evaluated during this race. One of the nice features is the ability to overly the GPS plot lines onto Google Maps. So, the end of Lap 86 looked like this:

1. It clearly shows that I drove straight off of the track. I was not trying to save a botched turn.

2. I was going 64 mph when I went off, which also supports 1. To end-up on the inside of the track, because of a botched turn, would have meant an almost inconceivable tank-slapper that would have burned a lot of speed. 64 mph is consistent with my speeds at that point on earlier laps.

3. Most importantly, it gives a clue to the most plausible explanation for what happened. In the dim light afforded to me, the road repair patch at the track-out of Turn 3, looked to me to be the edge of the track. The road patch mimics the size, shape, and shade of the actual track-out point (A vs. B).

Assuming that on a previous good lap, I hit the track-out point of Turn 3 (A) correctly, we can adjust for the GPS inaccuracy of the “Correct Line” in the illustration above, correcting it so that the line intersects that track-out point. If we adjust the Lap 86 plot accordingly (intersecting B), we can see what happened. I thought the road patch was the edge of the track and I thought I was a few meters to the left of where I actually was. After finishing the turn, I wanted to take a defensive line on the inside of Turn 4, so I pointed the car to the right side of the track, but I immediately ran out of track, even sooner than the uncorrected GPS plot line shows.

If it seems like I’m working too hard to analyze this event and hypothesize a reasonable causation for it, it’s probably because I don’t like the alternate theory.

Alternate Theory

I suck at driving.

Site Survey

After the race, Peter Haas took Kang Lee and myself on a site survey to see if we could find any clues that would explain the extensive damage to the car.

In this photo, we can plainly see the tire tracks going off into the field. While there are some minor undulations, overall the field seems fairly level. Certainly, it seems like it should be no problem for an Audi quattro with good ground clearance.

Oh. Kang finds the problem.

The right-front tire went into the culvert and the cow-catcher dug into the ground. The cow-catcher then folded-up under the car and most likely broke the oil pan and oil cooler. If I had been one meter to the left, nothing would have happened. I would have slowed the car, driven back onto the track, and continued the race. Ten minutes later and I would have had help from the early morning sunlight and the accident most likely would not have happened. Heartbreaking.

Here is a piece of the oil pan and the resultant oil spill.

Jimmy works the accident scene. Photo: Kang Lee

The ground-catcher. Photo: Kang Lee

Here is the cow-catcher on the car. It was designed to help hold the front-end of the car together as well as provide some protection from minor offs. Without a skid plate, it dug into the earth, bent back, and caused critical damage to the car. A point of team debate – the nosecone provided a skid plate for the cow-catcher. How did the decision to run without the nosecone affect the results of this accident?

The damaged cow-catcher and a gallery of other stuff that I busted.

Notice the tight door seam tolerances. They exceed normal German build quality so much that the passenger door no longer opens. Also, the wheel does not belong there. It should be centered in the wheel well. Got caster?

A Tribute

Even though we finished the race in this car, everyone agrees that it is finished. This car was totaled years ago, but through the will and hard work of our race team, the car lived-on giving the team years of fun and adventure. It was a good car and she will be missed.

J I M M Y

The 18-Hour ChumpCar Challenge at TWS was a new challenge for our team. Usually, our race weekends are broken-up into two races of seven hours or so, one on Saturday and one on Sunday. The break in between allows for repair work on the car, a good meal, and a good night’s sleep for the team. The 18-hour race would, by far, be our longest race to date. It would also be our first race at TWS and perhaps most importantly, it would be our first night race. To beat the substantial, record-breaking Texas Summer heat, the race would begin at 4 pm on Saturday and finish at 10 am on Sunday morning. There would be no scheduled service time for the car, no good meals, and little to no sleep for the team.

The new challenges were exciting and the team agreed to sign-up for the race. The race car was still good from the last ChumpCar race in November, so all we really had to do was add some lights, fill the car with oil and gasoline, and go racing. But the race wasn’t for months and the team, unable to cope with the boredom of a ready-to-race vehicle, got ambitious. Texas World Speedway (TWS), in College Station, Texas, is a high-speed track, but the Audi was a low-speed brick, without any front bodywork. It was worse than a brick. It was a parachute that was slowing us down. So, we all agreed that the car could benefit from some aerodynamic assistance.

After much debate about the design, Andrew and Kang fabricated a new nosecone for the front of the car. Taking a lesson from Audi Sport and the R8/R10 race cars, the design was one-piece and featured the ability to be removed quickly, in case the car needed to be serviced during the race. The design also featured an air dam set far back towards the front wheels, which prevented air from passing underneath the car, but which still allowed the car to be put on a trailer, without removing the new front end. The sheet metal-over-aluminum-frame construction, ensured that the nosecone would slice through fingers as easily as it sliced through the air. The nosecone was unpainted to save weight. It was brilliant.

The engineering marvel that is our new nose cone. This is an hommage to the Auto Union Streamliner, whose aerodynamic peculiarities were responsible for the death of Bernd Rosemeyer, one of the greatest Grand Prix drivers in history. Somehow, we thought this was a good idea.

1938 Auto Union Streamliner

There was also much contentious debate about the headlights. In my first email on the subject, I told the team we should buy four rally lights, put them on the hood of the car, and call it a night. But that plan was deemed too cheap, and too easy. Instead, over the course of months, the team acquired two BMW headlights from a junkyard and two fog lights from an auto parts store. The headlight housings had to be painstakingly disassembled to accept the custom brackets that also had to be fabricated, in order to fit the lights into our twisted car. Finally, after months of trial and error, metal fabrication, and custom wiring, we had our lights. They were terrible. The drivers would have been better off wearing those reading glasses with the LED lights built into the temples.

The rally lights on a Porsche 944. How stupid is THAT?

There was more than the usual contention going on with the team. Despite the high effort by a few people, overall, I felt like the team was suffering from a general malaise. To some degree, this was understandable. Significant events were occurring in the lives of the team. In the months before the race, I was distracted by more overseas travel for work, Mike was starting a new business, and Ryan was busy with a new job and the impending birth of his first child. In fact, he would have to sit-out the race, because it so closely coincided with the due date.

Race preparation had followed its usual trend, with relaxed work for months and a sudden push at the end to get everything done. The team’s experimentation with anarchy (or extreme libertarianism, if you like), continued its predictable spiral downwards into the worst disorganization (and resultant frustration) we have suffered so far. When I showed-up at the hangar on Friday morning, the car wasn’t ready, the tow truck wasn’t ready, nothing was packed, and nobody was around. Vehicle safety inspection started three hours from then, at a track that was two-and-a-half hours away. I was livid.

Our race car in the safety inspection station.

Seven hours later we rolled-up to the track. It was a rough seven hours. There was yelling. But in the end, we got the car to inspection under the wire and without any bloodshed, except that caused by the front-end of the car. The inspection itself went very well, but then the inspector walked over. “So, do you have your AIV?” he asked.

“I don’t know what that is,” I said.

“Who is the team captain?” he asked.

“I am.”

“Did you read the rule book?” He smiled, but I could see him mentally wagging his finger at me.

“Yep.”

“Well, do you have your AIV?”

“I still don’t know what that is.”

“Your vehicle valuation.”

I slapped my forehead and we shared a big laugh at my dull witlessness. But, I was in no mood to cope with someone spouting jargon and lingo at me. I needed straight talk, so I stopped laughing and returned the favor, “No. We don’t have one of those.”

The inspector’s expression changed. I recognized it from years of looking my teachers right in the eye and telling them that no, I had not done my homework and no, I didn’t have an excuse, I just couldn’t be bothered to do it. The truth was that we actually had a detailed valuation book, but it was just one of the many things we had forgotten and left at home. I didn’t think an excuse would matter one way or another, so I didn’t offer one. The inspector did not look happy. He set-off on his own to figure the value of our car. That was a problem. The way ChumpCar does that is by finding cars for sale on the Internet and using those prices as a basis for valuation. As it happens, we drive an extremely rare car. In fact, there was only one to be found for sale on the Internet and sure enough, the lunatic wanted $4000 for it! Convincing the inspector that our car was only worth $500 would be tricky. Luckily, Eric arranged for Ken to bring the book the next day and the inspector agreed to do the valuation assessment at that time.

With the most difficult part of the inspection process behind us, we began setting-up our garage space. We had missed the deadline for picking up the rental trailer, where we would sleep. Eric had called from the road and the proprietors had said that they were just about to close. They explained that they had an engagement and that they would meet us to pick-up the trailer at 10:30 pm. I thought that was a little weird, but I guess they had to go honky-tonkin’ and such. Nice of them to meet us after. Anyway, that made for a relaxed evening and I spent some time capturing photos of an unusual sunset.

Our 1978 Dodge Prospector tow vehicle. Because towing a $500 ChumpCar racer with a $44,000 Ford F-350 looks stupid. The light show is caused by the reflection of the sun off of the Arctic ice cap. This phenomenon is rarely seen as far south as Texas.

After the sun had fallen, we had just enough time to drive around the paddock a couple of times to check our lights. Unfortunately, the paddock area was lit and it was difficult to assess anything. We also ran out of time, because we learned that the gate closed at 10 pm. We would either be locked-in or locked-out. Since we weren’t scheduled to pick-up the trailer until 10:30 pm, we were going to be locked-out. If anything went wrong with the delivery, we would need to find a room, or face sleeping on the side of the road.

The RV and trailer rental business was run out of the owner’s house, rather than a commercial storefront. On the way to his house, I got a little nervous, because after 15 or 20 minutes of driving through the country, we passed through a sketchy area that looked like it might be the meth capital of Brazos County. But, we arrived at the man’s house and found it on a beautiful piece of property. The trailers themselves appeared to be very clean and well kept. The owner was a good ol’ boy, very nice, helpful, and professional (his mullet and the drink that never left his hand, notwithstanding.) He showed us around the trailer, helped us get hooked-up to the truck, did some paperwork, and we were on our way. We had a late dinner at Chili’s, did a Wal-Mart run, and camped in the trailer, parked right outside of TWS. The trailer was clean and comfortable. Most importantly, the air conditioning was ice cold. I drifted-off easily and slept well until morning. And that would be the last time I slept for almost 32 hours.

Saturday morning came earlier than I had hoped. As nice as the trailer was, it was not light proof and the early morning sun blasted me awake. Eric and Bill were already up and trying to find the keys to the truck. An hour later, they found the keys, stowed the generator, packed-up the trailer, and drove a few hundred meters to our paddock space, where we set it up all over again. No matter, the race didn’t start until 4 pm and the day was very relaxed. Throughout the day, the rest of the team arrived and got checked-in while Eric and I spent most of the day waiting in the registration line. We also got the car valuation. Even with our records, the car was awarded five penalty laps. We made a donation to charity to make them go away. We would be starting square.

Andrew and Mark outside our rented team headquarters. Photo: Kang Lee

Even the ChumpCar organizers were relaxed. The race steward didn’t have his drivers’ meeting until about ten minutes before the start of the race. As soon as it was over, we got Andrew suited-up and had a quick team prayer. Then we got Andrew strapped into the car and a few minutes later – we were racing!

Ultra-rare photo of the Audi on-track with the experimental front end. Andrew takes the car onto the front straight. Photo: Kang Lee

As hard as this might be to believe, the new front end had never actually been tested in a wind tunnel, nor had we used Finite Element Analysis for its design. In fact, we had never even bothered to drive the car with it attached to the car at all. The first test came in the Unintended Acceleration Hillbilly Wind Tunnel™ which is when we towed the car to the track on an open trailer. That test actually did produce some deformity in the sheet metal, but it stayed attached to the car, so we called it a success. As Andrew circulated the car around the track, we looked for signs of nosecone instability. The worst-case scenario was that it would detach and cause damage to our car, or someone else’s car. But there was no sign of movement from the front end and no hint that the new aerodynamics would catapult the car into the air like a Mercedes LMP. Andrew reported that the car was good, or at least he would have if the radios had been working properly.

Reassured that the car was going to hold together and confident in Andrew, who is one of our safest drivers, I settled-in for the long night. I started to scrounge around for some food. Then, less than an hour later after the race started, Eric walked-up to me and said the same thing that the team says to me at every race, “They are towing our car in.”

Ken gets the story from Andrew.

Back in the paddock, Andrew told us what had happened. It was bad. He had suddenly lost power and when he looked down at the gauges, it showed there was no oil pressure. He stopped the car immediately and waited for help. At some point after he had stopped the car, the car also overheated. Expecting the worst, we pulled the front-end off of the car to get a better look.

Eric debriefs Andrew, while Ken, Mike, Mark, and Peter pull the front-end.

Jimmy posts an update for the Facebook fans, while Eric troubleshoots. Photo: Kang Lee

The radiator overflow...overflowed.

Naturally, everything was covered with rusty water from the radiator. After the engine cooled a bit, the Fluhrs performed some basic troubleshooting tests and determined that the engine was gone. Later, metal shavings in the oil pan would confirm our suspicions. We gathered around for a quick team meeting. In the shortest debate in Unintended Acceleration history, we agreed that a team should go back to Austin and get the engine from the other car. Meanwhile, the rest of us would stay back, pull the blown engine, and prepare the car for the new mill. We figured the whole swap would take nine hours, which would still leave us eight hours of racing! We dispatched Bill and Eric to Austin. Mark Hergott was suffering from heat stress, so he went back with them. They were on the road in minutes. The rest of the team got to work pulling the dead engine.

Jimmy prepares the operating room, while Eric makes a list of things we need from Austin. Photo: Kang Lee

Who needs an engine hoist? Photo: Kang Lee

Ready for the new engine. Photo: Kang Lee

Dinner at Freebirds. Peter Haas, Mike McGovern, Ken Fluhr, Wadad Fluhr, Butch Bianchi, Andrew Bianchi, Kang Lee, and Jimmy Pribble. Photo: some waiter

With everyone pitching-in, the enginectomy only took about an hour. Bill and Eric wouldn’t be back for hours, so we went into town for dinner at Freebirds, where there was much speculation and debate about the cause of the engine failure. For many, the new nosecone was the primary suspect. Perhaps it had prevented adequate airflow to the radiator. Others of us disagreed, since Andrew reported seeing stable temperatures during his almost hour-long stint. If there had been inadequate airflow, it seemed that a failure would have occurred much more quickly at race speeds.

Back at the track, the debate continued, but there were still many hours to go, so a few people tried to get a little rest. Peter Haas and I walked around and tried to watch some of the race from the carousel and then we went to check-out the Chumpstock bands. I would love to tell you that there was a massive crowd of college-age hippies dropping acid and dancing naked in the mud dust to the sounds of rock music. But I can’t, because there wasn’t. However, there were three children that seemed to enjoy the band.

Hey, do you guys know when Creedance goes on?

A couple of hours later, just after 11 o’clock, Bill and Eric arrived with the engine. We decided to let Ken get every last minute of sleep that he could before waking him, so the rest of us unloaded the engine and hoist, got the engine in front of the car and did as much prep work as we could. Then somebody went and woke-up Ken. It was on. Under Ken’s expert leadership, the team came together and got the engine into the car. Everyone played a part in that effort and I couldn’t have been more proud of the team.

Eric, Mike, and Jimmy unload the engine hoist, while Bill supervises. Photo: Kang Lee

Eric, Kang, and Peter prep the new engine.

Mike aligns the flywheel. This is also a good shot of our bag of snakes exhaust headers. Photo: Kang Lee

Midnight. With one final push from Ken, the engine is in the car. Also, caption contest. Submit entries in the Comments area.

Eric waits for the go-ahead to get back on track.

What do you mean you don't see anything wrong? That is smoke!

The team prepares to release the car.

Eric pulls out of the garage!

Exactly three hours after the engine arrived, Eric was back on track. He took one lap and came back into hot pit lane, just so that we could see if there were any leaks or other problems. Everything checked-out and he was on his way. We were back in the race! Total time lost was 8 hours and 20 minutes. If we had brought the other engine with us, it would have been half that. Lesson learned.

The team was exhausted. It was 2:30 am. Several of us were sitting in our pit area, when I looked over and saw that Andrew and Mike were dozing in their chairs. Peter had gone to sleep in his car and I think Bill was sleeping in the back of the Prospector. Early morning settled-in and covered us like a warm blanket. Sleep beckoned.

Midnight in the Hot Pit of Good and Evil

Around 3:45 am, Eric brought the car in. He reported that the headlights “sucked” which is about the strongest condemnation you will ever hear from Eric. But, he said the car was running well, so that was great news. Kang strapped-in and got on track.

Eric finishes our first full stint of the race. Kang waits on deck.

Kang ran really well, posting some of the fastest lap times and by far the fastest front straight speeds. He was a man possessed. Because everyone was so tired, I asked for volunteers to run the driving stint after Kang. Ken and Mike both declined, saying that they needed some rest. So it would be me then. I suited-up and waited for Kang to come in.

I got in the car around 5 am. We performed a very leisurely pit stop, with a full top-up on fuel. Kang told me that I wouldn’t be able to see anything out there, but that I would adapt. I drove to the end of hot pit lane, turned-in my time card, and accelerated onto the track. I entered at Turn 1, continued to the left-hand Turn 2 at about 70 mph, tracked out, and promptly drove off the track! The faint light patch of ground I had seen wasn’t the edge of the track. It was dirt. In such low light, I couldn’t see the edge of the track! Swell. I steered the car back onto the track and pressed-on. Indeed, Eric’s assessment of the lights (they “sucked”) was inadequate. Well, I was just the man to string together the right combination of foul adjectives to describe the lights and as soon as I got back to our pit, I planned to do just that.

Other than the lights, I had no problems with the car. In fact, the car handled better than it ever had. It was too bad that I couldn’t exploit that handling to turn better lap times. Instead, the good handling was saving me from my spastic driving, late braking, early turn-ins, and other mistakes I was making, because I couldn’t see. After going off track twice, I really dialed it back. I reduced my passing zones to just two and allowed myself to really get held-up by slower traffic. It was frustrating, but I didn’t have a lot of choice. Still, I was coping. Better than that, I was having fun.

Around 5:40 am, I took the right-hand Turn 3, straightened the car for the drive to Turn 4, and drove straight off the track with my foot still planted on the accelerator! It shocked the hell out of me. I went off at such a speed and departure angle that I knew I could not steer back onto the track. My foot came off of the gas and I started to apply the brakes, but I was still going over 60 mph when I hit a culvert. The wheel went into the culvert and the front-end pitched into the ground. The car skidded for a few feet and soon came to a stop. I sat still and did a quick triage of myself. I had taken quite an impact and my neck hurt from snapping forward. Worse, my back felt cold. I was scared that my body was reacting to a serious injury and that I might be going into shock. That’s when I realized that I was only feeling the cold water from my cool suit. I hadn’t noticed it while driving, but sitting still, I felt the ice water circulating around my body. I wiggled my toes and then gave the corner workers a thumbs-up outside the window so they could see that I was OK.

I got on the radio and told Eric, “I’m off. I’m OK, but we’re done.”

He asked me a few questions about the condition of the car and I responded, “We’re done.”

I followed protocol and did not get out of the car. While I waited for the tow truck, I tried to figure-out what had happened. It’s one thing to not be able to see very well, but I thought I had negotiated Turn 3 the same way I always did. Then I straightened the car, apparently thinking I had it pointed in the right direction, but I didn’t. Somehow, I had become unknowingly disoriented about my position on the track. Damned headlights. And then right on cue, the early morning sun started to lighten the sky.

The tow truck pulled-up and the driver ran over with a tow hook. He checked to make sure that I was okay and then he told me the engine had dumped it’s oil. I’m sure that the oil pan was damaged. Then he spent a good five minutes trying to attach the tow hook to something on the front of the car. Clearly, the whole front-end was destroyed. There was nothing left to hook. Eventually, he sorted it out and he began to drag the car back to the paddock. It occurred to me that the wheels were still attached, presumably rolling on inflated tires, the brakes worked, and the steering worked, though it didn’t feel quite right, probably because of the spontaneous, explosive front-end alignment I had given the car. I called back to Eric and told him to start pulling parts off of the old dead engine that we might need to salvage this engine. For sure, we would need the oil pan. I told them that it was a slim chance, but we might be able to save the car again.

We got the car back into the garage and this is what we saw:

Front-end damage. Say, where is our cow catcher?

Mike looks at the new twisty radiator. Photo: Kang Lee

Oil pan and radiator damage. Photo: Kang Lee

Bill woke-up Ken and it was on again. The team rallied a second time. We hadn’t come that far to just give up after a little setback like a totaled car. Ken started the car for a couple of seconds, just to make sure the engine would still run. Once that was confirmed, we set to work. The damage report: the front-end (the “cow catcher”) had been torn off the car. In fact, it had folded under the car and done most of the damage. The radiator, oil pan, oil filter and sandwich adapter, and oil cooler were destroyed. Also, one motor mount and one transmission mount had been broken. Most likely, the subframe and struts were bent.

Ken amused at the new challenge. Note the visible oil pan.

A beautiful morning at TWS.

We pulled the oil pan, oil filter and filter adapter from the old engine. We made a custom hose to take the place of the oil cooler, since we didn’t have a replacement. However, as evidence that we aren’t totally incompetent, we replaced the radiator with an actual spare part that we bring to the races for just such a purpose. We also had a spare motor mount. Imagine that. Unfortunately, we didn’t have a transmission mount, nor did we have a way to attach the front engine snub mount, which was originally secured by the cow catcher. So the engine was held in place by only three of the original five mounting points. The rest of the front end was held together with tow straps. Unconcerned with his safety or well-being, we put Mike in the car and sent him out to evaluate the repairs.

Mike brings the car in for inspection. Nice camber. Photo: Kang Lee

After a lap, Mike brought the car in and told Ken he thought everything was good enough. We sent him back out and he got to drive for a little over an hour.

Finally, it was Ken’s turn. If anyone deserved to drive the car and take the checkered flag, it was Ken. The weekend had been a team effort, but Ken is our primary mechanic and it was under his leadership and superlative skill that we had accomplished what we had. Ken got in the car with about 30 minutes left to race. And then, as if there hadn’t been enough miracles over the weekend, Ken took that knackered car, with wheels pointing every which way, and set the fastest lap times of the weekend.

Ken opens it up on the front straight and gives a thumbs-up as he approaches the checkered flag.

Ken takes the checkered flag! Photo: Kang Lee

Half an hour later, Ken took the checkered flag. We had done it! Not only that, but we weren’t even dead last. To cap it off, we won our very first trophy – an award for mechanical excellence. ChumpCar recognized our team for our never-say-die effort. Perhaps better than that, we had seen the team come together and perform better than it ever had. I have never been more proud to be a part of this team. I want to give special thanks to our support crew: Peter Haas, Butch Bianchi, and Mark Hergott.

Ken holds the Trophy for Mechanical Excellence. Photo: some guy

Unintended Acceleration will return.

J I M M Y